Thanks

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I'd like to take a moment and list some of the stuff I'm thankful for... if you don't mind.

(in no particular order)

Family

Friends

Girlfriend

Twitter

Road bikes

Mountain bikes

ACLs (mines torn in case you were wondering)

Love

Christmas Cakes

Sunkist (bad for my body, good for my soul)

Guitar

Blues

Breaks

Handicap Tags

Father

Son

Holy Spirit

and...

Forgiveness

I'm sorry. I'm forgiven.

I'm sorry because,

I've been trying so hard that I've lost focus of what I'm suppose to be doing. I'm suppose to renew my life when instead I'm just renewing my patterns of life. I wake up earlier. Drink more coffee. Read a few bible verses. Say a few words, with my head bowed and eyes closed.

I screw up.

I sill feel as I did before. I'm trying a little bit harder than before, but I still feel like crap. I've lost my focus and can't seem to find it again. I just want my God again. I know I have him, but I want him. Does that make sense?

I have him... but I want him

I have a snickers bar, but do I really want it? I am holding it in my hands, but am I really hungry for it?

I have God, but do I really want him? He is beside me day and night, but do I really want him there? Am I showing him that I want him there? Am I worshipping him with everything I do? Am I reading my bible because I want to get something out of it? Am I waking up early because I really want to spend time with God?

nononononononono

I'm selfish, I'm doing this for all my glory. I'm not focusing on the Reason. I'm focusing on myself.

my strategy is going to change. It's going to change to no strategy at all. With strategies comes obligations, and I don't want my relationship with God to be an obligation.

I want to have God...

Christianity is full of rules and obligations. A relationship with God is full of love and compassion.

There Goes My Hero!

I want to change the world, not for Jesus christ, but for the person I worship. Me.

I'm so caught up in being nice to people that I don't remember why I'm being nice to them. I think maybe one day they'll be like "Hey remember that Jacob Bagley kid... he was awesome!" But is this right at all? Should I try to radically change the worlds perspective on me? Or should I radically change the worlds perspective of itself?

Or should I just radically change the world...?

I'm so selfish. This whole acting nice and loving thing came about when I had my first "radical life change"... but then it just became habit. After I kind of started falling out of the word I was still being nice to people, but not for the same reason. My actions lost all meaning. If someone came up to me and asked "why are you doing this" I would say "because it's the nice thing to do" or something stupid like that. Why? Because my relationship with Jesus was not strong enough. Because I was so lazy and couldn't even talk to my God. Because my bible was collecting dust because I had better things to do.

If someone asked me "why" I couldn't even say just 2 words.

"Jesus Christ"

I can radically change the world with a smile, but not if that smile was powered by self gratification.

I want to change the world, not for me, but for the person I worship. Jesus Christ.

Sundays and Showers

I love taking showers. Nice long warm showers... They are so refreshing, but nothing beats a nice long warm shower when you're sweaty, dirty, muddy, filthy... JUST TOTALLY DISGUSTING. It is such a renewing experience to step out of that shower, dry off, and put on some clean clothes. You feel like a new creation.

That's how I feel on sunday mornings... But should I?

Notice sunday is italicized...

Should sunday morning church be just like a nice long shower? And if it's so refreshing, why is it so refreshing? Is it refreshing because I'm going throughout the week and getting dirty and filthy, just because I know I'm going to get cleaned up at church on sunday? Do I do this intentionally? That can't be. If I did do it intentionally I wouldn't really get the same effect... So why is church so refreshing?

It's simple...

I'm Hungry For Jesus Christ

...and I feel like I fulfill that hunger, on sundays.

"...a man cannot survive on bread alone."

I Think I Can Survive On Sunday Morning Church Alone

...but that is just the bread I eat to try to keep myself from going hungry

"Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." John 6:35

I seek out this bread of life on sunday mornings, and find it, and I eat it. I put the rest in a to-go box and stick it in the refrigerator. A couple of days go by... Then I throw it out, knowing that I'll get some more the next sunday. I think that's my problem. This bread isn't bad at all. It actually stays good for forever, and there's an endless supply, and its stinkin delicious. I can eat this bread for forever. And through this bread I never hunger for anything else, I never need anything else.

Wait... But a man cannot survive on bread alone right?

True.

But this "Bread of Life" is not bread alone. It is three in one. It is everything that I need for life, and for everlasting life.

The church isn't some kind of restaurant and Jesus Christ does not belong in a to-go box.

I should be eating this bread all day every day. I should be praying constantly, reading my bible, spending time with Jesus, worshipping. I should be totally sold out to the "Bread of Life," but I'm too busy eating on the bread of my life. I'm too busy doing my own thing. I'm too busy making myself too busy, I have no time to eat.

I have no time...?

I'm going to make time...

Early start, cup of joe, and my bible

The past two days I've been waking up a lot earlier than usual, grabbing a cup of coffee, and sitting down and reading my bible.

The past two days I've had true joy.

I decided to journey through the gospels, starting with the first one, Matthew. Tuesday was awesome. Matthew 1 and 2 is what I live for. CHRISTMAS! but nothing really life changing came out of it. I just felt good. I love spending time with my God. I went to class feeling so awesome, but then life threw a few setbacks. I began to feel busy, angry, lazy, upset... the usual. I thought maybe this whole "transformation" things was a lost cause.

I decided to try the same thing again. I woke up wednesday, grabbed a cup of coffee, and ready matthew chapter 2-4, and I came across the story of Jesus in the wilderness. He hadn't eaten anything and was starving, so, of course, it was a perfect time for satan to move in.

Satan (or the tempter) said to Jesus "Hey man, you're the son of God, turn that rock into some bread" but then Jesus said something miraculous, that made my heart drop, that really changed my life. He quoted the end Deuteronomy 8:3 which says "man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes out of the mouth of the LORD"

That was it. The key verse to life change.

Let's get literal.

Bread is nothing but carbs, and what do carbs do? Fill you up fast, and satisfy your hunger, but of course, you're going to get hungry again, so just eat some more bread! But with all this bread you're not going to get all the vitamins and minerals you need. You'll get sick, you'll end up in the hospital, and you could die. You can't just live on bread.

This junk I've been filling my life with keeps me satisfied for a few moments, but eventually I'm hungry for more. I can't survive like this. It's deadly. I need my God.

Never a second passes with the Lord in which I don't feel satisfied.

Ready... Go!

Ever since I started college this fall I’ve been losing my focus little by little. I have been feeling like God has been getting further and further away from me as the days go on, and as a result of this I’ve been feeling lonely, week, afraid, dumb, unfocused, unmotivated, and essentially I’ve been feeling like I’ve been letting everyone down because I’m not the man I’m suppose to be. I’m not the man that stood up in front of my church and told them I committed my life to the ministry. I am not the man that gave his whole life over to God. I’m just a college kid, trying to get by on a 20 dollar a week allowance, drinking capri suns and eating gushers. As funny as it may sound, it’s also sad. I am a college kid who has nothing to his name except for 20 dollars, capri suns and gushers. Count the gushers out because those aren’t even mine, they’re my roommate’s.

The more I thought about this the sadder I got. I’ve lost everything on the inside that I once was. My morals and values seemed to be dwindling away, my social skills seemed to be dwindling away, and my relationship with God seemed to be dwindling away. Earlier I said that it seems like God has been getting further and further away from me as the days go on… That’s not true. I’ve been getting further and further away from God.

I had a refreshing encounter with God today, in my truck, on the way back to Kennesaw State University, listening to DavidCrowderBand*. This refreshing encounter brought tears of sorrow to my eyes because at first I felt so convicted for my actions but then it brought tears of joy to my eyes because I felt so accepted by his love and grace. Because of this I decided to start this blog. This blog is my journey to and through life change.

This is my journey, but I hope through my entries of what God has showed me life change will come to someone else.