God

DNow 2010- Switch (leader for a group of amazing middle school boys)

Have you ever been really excited? So excited you wanted to smile bigger than your face would allow? So excited you wanted to squeeze the stuffing out of your pillow?

I can remember the night before vacation one year I had that feeling. Butterflies were in my stomach, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop smiling and I kept bouncing up and down in my bed because I was so excited about going to the beach.

That's how I felt this whole weekend. Every time I closed my eyes to talk one on one to my God I felt like shouting and jumping. I felt like finding every pillow in the house and squeezing it so hard that it would no longer serve it's purpose. I felt like crying because I was so happy. I have never felt anything better than I felt then. I have never felt so fulfilled, I have never felt so alive and I have never felt so much joy in my whole entire life.

This weekend God showed me that I will never get anything from this world that will fill me up as much as he will. But I didn't just see it in writing; I felt it in my heart and soul.

I believe that i have come into contact with God. I believe that I've felt God's presence around me. But now I can truly say that God consumed me and I felt his presence within me.

God Changed a Life

Mine. (and probably many others)

I finally realized that my life in the ministry does not start when I graduate from seminary... My life in the ministry starts now. My studies of God's word starts now. My life as a mentor starts now. My life as a teacher starts now. My life as a counselor starts now. My life as an EXAMPLE starts now.

I need to stop being an idiot. I need to stop waiting until after seminary. I need to start my life as a minister... NOW.

I'm not talking about going and applying at different churches. I'm talking about being a minister to my friends, being a minister to my classmates, being a minister to the jerk in the left lane going the speed limit down 75, and being a minister to the people a pass every day, walking down the sidewalks of Kennesaw State University.

I am a minister; because God said so.

Peer Pressure

I was always taught not to give into peer pressure. I was taught by my parents and teachers to hang out with the right people, because I might get tempted, and I might give into that temptation. This concept makes a lot of sense, and I am for sure going to tell my kids that same thing, but I don't think that peer pressure is the biggest deal for me. I don't have as much of a problem giving into the pressure of my peers as I do giving into myself. My downfall is myself, which proposes a couple of problems.

1. I am more likely to give into the pressure of my peers. Let's say, for example, I go to a party (I don't go to parties, but I am in college so it's relevant). Like most college parties, this party has alcohol. A buddy I know from school asks me if I want a beer, and my mind automatically starts weighing the pros and cons.

-What good could come out of this?

Maybe a funny story, it might feel good, it would relieve a little stress

-What bad could come out of this?

Get in trouble for underage drinking, getting sick, hurting someone, and hurting my image and people views on christianity.

I ask myself if it's really worth it. For some reason my mind says yes, but my mouth says no, and my buddy would go on about his business, but I would still be surrounded by it, I would see everyone having a "good time" and my mind would start to work even more, trying to justify the reasons why I should, and I would start giving into myself, and into my thoughts. I'm not saying I'd give in, I'm saying it would be hard not to.

I believe this is true for all human race. I believe that our greatest downfall is ourselves. I believe it is easier to hear Satan say "Do It" then it is to hear God say "Don't do it."

and...

2. I get lazy. It gets harder to get up earlier to spend quiet time with God. I wake up and listen to my body telling me "go back to sleep" instead of listening to God saying "get up, get some coffee, and spend time with me." I may wake up late one morning, and I don't have time to spend that quality one on one time with God. I try to rush through a bible study, but I don't get anything out of it, and I feel no connection with God. After that I have to get ready for the day, and I may only have a short amount of time to do that. I get stressed because nothing is ready and I'm rushing around trying to find things, and I lose all focus. I lose all focus on the one thing I should be focused on all day every day. I lose all focus on God.

and...

I didn't do the one thing that I felt convicted to do, and that is this blog. I haven't posted anything in a very long time, and it started getting to me. Going into this I wanted to take people with me through my journey through transformation. I wanted to update this blog weekly to tell what God has taught me, but I gave into myself and my laziness. I listened to that voice telling me to do it later.

THIS ISN'T JUST A BLOG TO ME. This is a ministry. This is my opportunity to share my testimony. This is a chance for me to show the wonderful things God has done in my life, and in turn give them hope for theirs. A preacher doesn't skip church so he can sleep (there may have been a few, but you know what I mean). A committed missionary in Africa doesn't give up an opportunity to share the Gospel with the children there. Jesus Christ didn't decide that he wanted to die the next day because he just didn't feel like it that day. Why am I putting this off? Because I'm giving into myself. Because "myself" is lazy...

Thanks

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I'd like to take a moment and list some of the stuff I'm thankful for... if you don't mind.

(in no particular order)

Family

Friends

Girlfriend

Twitter

Road bikes

Mountain bikes

ACLs (mines torn in case you were wondering)

Love

Christmas Cakes

Sunkist (bad for my body, good for my soul)

Guitar

Blues

Breaks

Handicap Tags

Father

Son

Holy Spirit

and...

Forgiveness

I'm sorry. I'm forgiven.

I'm sorry because,

I've been trying so hard that I've lost focus of what I'm suppose to be doing. I'm suppose to renew my life when instead I'm just renewing my patterns of life. I wake up earlier. Drink more coffee. Read a few bible verses. Say a few words, with my head bowed and eyes closed.

I screw up.

I sill feel as I did before. I'm trying a little bit harder than before, but I still feel like crap. I've lost my focus and can't seem to find it again. I just want my God again. I know I have him, but I want him. Does that make sense?

I have him... but I want him

I have a snickers bar, but do I really want it? I am holding it in my hands, but am I really hungry for it?

I have God, but do I really want him? He is beside me day and night, but do I really want him there? Am I showing him that I want him there? Am I worshipping him with everything I do? Am I reading my bible because I want to get something out of it? Am I waking up early because I really want to spend time with God?

nononononononono

I'm selfish, I'm doing this for all my glory. I'm not focusing on the Reason. I'm focusing on myself.

my strategy is going to change. It's going to change to no strategy at all. With strategies comes obligations, and I don't want my relationship with God to be an obligation.

I want to have God...

Christianity is full of rules and obligations. A relationship with God is full of love and compassion.

There Goes My Hero!

I want to change the world, not for Jesus christ, but for the person I worship. Me.

I'm so caught up in being nice to people that I don't remember why I'm being nice to them. I think maybe one day they'll be like "Hey remember that Jacob Bagley kid... he was awesome!" But is this right at all? Should I try to radically change the worlds perspective on me? Or should I radically change the worlds perspective of itself?

Or should I just radically change the world...?

I'm so selfish. This whole acting nice and loving thing came about when I had my first "radical life change"... but then it just became habit. After I kind of started falling out of the word I was still being nice to people, but not for the same reason. My actions lost all meaning. If someone came up to me and asked "why are you doing this" I would say "because it's the nice thing to do" or something stupid like that. Why? Because my relationship with Jesus was not strong enough. Because I was so lazy and couldn't even talk to my God. Because my bible was collecting dust because I had better things to do.

If someone asked me "why" I couldn't even say just 2 words.

"Jesus Christ"

I can radically change the world with a smile, but not if that smile was powered by self gratification.

I want to change the world, not for me, but for the person I worship. Jesus Christ.

Sundays and Showers

I love taking showers. Nice long warm showers... They are so refreshing, but nothing beats a nice long warm shower when you're sweaty, dirty, muddy, filthy... JUST TOTALLY DISGUSTING. It is such a renewing experience to step out of that shower, dry off, and put on some clean clothes. You feel like a new creation.

That's how I feel on sunday mornings... But should I?

Notice sunday is italicized...

Should sunday morning church be just like a nice long shower? And if it's so refreshing, why is it so refreshing? Is it refreshing because I'm going throughout the week and getting dirty and filthy, just because I know I'm going to get cleaned up at church on sunday? Do I do this intentionally? That can't be. If I did do it intentionally I wouldn't really get the same effect... So why is church so refreshing?

It's simple...

I'm Hungry For Jesus Christ

...and I feel like I fulfill that hunger, on sundays.

"...a man cannot survive on bread alone."

I Think I Can Survive On Sunday Morning Church Alone

...but that is just the bread I eat to try to keep myself from going hungry

"Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." John 6:35

I seek out this bread of life on sunday mornings, and find it, and I eat it. I put the rest in a to-go box and stick it in the refrigerator. A couple of days go by... Then I throw it out, knowing that I'll get some more the next sunday. I think that's my problem. This bread isn't bad at all. It actually stays good for forever, and there's an endless supply, and its stinkin delicious. I can eat this bread for forever. And through this bread I never hunger for anything else, I never need anything else.

Wait... But a man cannot survive on bread alone right?

True.

But this "Bread of Life" is not bread alone. It is three in one. It is everything that I need for life, and for everlasting life.

The church isn't some kind of restaurant and Jesus Christ does not belong in a to-go box.

I should be eating this bread all day every day. I should be praying constantly, reading my bible, spending time with Jesus, worshipping. I should be totally sold out to the "Bread of Life," but I'm too busy eating on the bread of my life. I'm too busy doing my own thing. I'm too busy making myself too busy, I have no time to eat.

I have no time...?

I'm going to make time...

Early start, cup of joe, and my bible

The past two days I've been waking up a lot earlier than usual, grabbing a cup of coffee, and sitting down and reading my bible.

The past two days I've had true joy.

I decided to journey through the gospels, starting with the first one, Matthew. Tuesday was awesome. Matthew 1 and 2 is what I live for. CHRISTMAS! but nothing really life changing came out of it. I just felt good. I love spending time with my God. I went to class feeling so awesome, but then life threw a few setbacks. I began to feel busy, angry, lazy, upset... the usual. I thought maybe this whole "transformation" things was a lost cause.

I decided to try the same thing again. I woke up wednesday, grabbed a cup of coffee, and ready matthew chapter 2-4, and I came across the story of Jesus in the wilderness. He hadn't eaten anything and was starving, so, of course, it was a perfect time for satan to move in.

Satan (or the tempter) said to Jesus "Hey man, you're the son of God, turn that rock into some bread" but then Jesus said something miraculous, that made my heart drop, that really changed my life. He quoted the end Deuteronomy 8:3 which says "man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes out of the mouth of the LORD"

That was it. The key verse to life change.

Let's get literal.

Bread is nothing but carbs, and what do carbs do? Fill you up fast, and satisfy your hunger, but of course, you're going to get hungry again, so just eat some more bread! But with all this bread you're not going to get all the vitamins and minerals you need. You'll get sick, you'll end up in the hospital, and you could die. You can't just live on bread.

This junk I've been filling my life with keeps me satisfied for a few moments, but eventually I'm hungry for more. I can't survive like this. It's deadly. I need my God.

Never a second passes with the Lord in which I don't feel satisfied.

Ready... Go!

Ever since I started college this fall I’ve been losing my focus little by little. I have been feeling like God has been getting further and further away from me as the days go on, and as a result of this I’ve been feeling lonely, week, afraid, dumb, unfocused, unmotivated, and essentially I’ve been feeling like I’ve been letting everyone down because I’m not the man I’m suppose to be. I’m not the man that stood up in front of my church and told them I committed my life to the ministry. I am not the man that gave his whole life over to God. I’m just a college kid, trying to get by on a 20 dollar a week allowance, drinking capri suns and eating gushers. As funny as it may sound, it’s also sad. I am a college kid who has nothing to his name except for 20 dollars, capri suns and gushers. Count the gushers out because those aren’t even mine, they’re my roommate’s.

The more I thought about this the sadder I got. I’ve lost everything on the inside that I once was. My morals and values seemed to be dwindling away, my social skills seemed to be dwindling away, and my relationship with God seemed to be dwindling away. Earlier I said that it seems like God has been getting further and further away from me as the days go on… That’s not true. I’ve been getting further and further away from God.

I had a refreshing encounter with God today, in my truck, on the way back to Kennesaw State University, listening to DavidCrowderBand*. This refreshing encounter brought tears of sorrow to my eyes because at first I felt so convicted for my actions but then it brought tears of joy to my eyes because I felt so accepted by his love and grace. Because of this I decided to start this blog. This blog is my journey to and through life change.

This is my journey, but I hope through my entries of what God has showed me life change will come to someone else.